Internet Loses Mind Over Benny Blanco’s Completely Expected Proposal
Internet Loses Mind Over Benny Blanco’s Completely Expected Proposal
In what might be the least surprising plot twist since water was found to be wet, music producer Benny Blanco has proposed to Selena Gomez, proving that Benny Blanco follows the time-honored tradition of music producers falling for pop stars. The announcement arrived via Instagram, because apparently, Mercury isn’t in the right retrograde for carrier pigeons.
The Algorithm-Approved Love Story
The couple, who met doing what every music industry couple does – pretending to be “just friends” while their teams negotiate dating contract terms – shared their joy through a carousel of photos that took longer to plan than most peace treaties. “Forever begins now,” wrote Gomez, after her caption focus group rejected “Ring szn” and “I said yes to forever (and the dress) (and the prenup).”
Roy Moss, Director of Information at PISR, offered his technological perspective: “I don’t trust computers or love announcements made on them. Back in my day, we proposed via telegram, and wolves ate half the message before it arrived. That was real romance.”
A Social Media Saga
Famous TikTok relationship expert @LoveGuruInsta247 (4.2M followers) weighed in: “This is literally giving me all the soulmate energy. Their auras are perfectly aligned for maximum engagement… both kinds. #blessed”
The Modern Celebrity Engagement Checklist
✓ Coordinated outfit changes for the proposal photos
✓ Ring designer press release ready before the actual proposal
✓ Exactly 3.7 seconds of manufactured suspense before saying yes
✓ Professional videographer hiding in nearby bushes
✓ Candid reaction photos that took 76 takes
✓ Engagement hashtag focus-grouped with Gen Z consultants
In conclusion, Benny Blanco and Selena have given us exactly what the social media gods demanded: a perfectly curated love story that makes us believe in true love, or at least in really good photo editing. Here’s hoping their wedding livestream doesn’t crash the Metaverse.
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