Bird Flu Symptoms: Are Californians Turning Into Birds?

Experts Are Furious About These Bird Flu Symptoms That Are Turning Californians Into Birds

As California declares a state of emergency over bird flu symptoms, citizens are frantically googling whether their sudden desire to skip their morning commute in favor of seasonal migration might actually be early signs of avian transformation. The state’s latest move to combat H5N1 has everyone questioning their species identity, leading to a 500% increase in bird flu symptoms searches on WebMD’s newly launched “Am I Actually A Bird?” portal.

Are You Experiencing These Totally Normal Bird Flu Symptoms?

A Venn diagram comparing human and bird behaviors, with the overlapping center showing "enjoys free bread samples" and "fears cats"

Elongated Muskrat, founder of PISR, released an emergency statement: “I’ve developed an AI that can tell if you’re becoming a bird with 99.9% accuracy. Simply tweet at me – and by tweet, I mean make actual bird sounds – and I’ll have my robot birds analyze your pitch.”

Health officials insist the risk to humans remains low, but renowned naturalist Sir David Attenborough was reportedly overheard saying, “And here we observe the remarkable transformation of the common office worker, Homo corporatus, into its final form: the majestic Canadian goose. Nature truly is breathtaking.”

Government Response: Better Safe Than Sorry (Or Feathery)

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, shared his unique perspective: “Y’all, I’ve seen some wild stuff in my day, but watching my colleague build a nest out of TPS reports takes the birdseed cake! And don’t even get me started on the new office dress code – casual Friday now means optional feathers!”

A Zoom meeting screenshot where half the participants have their cameras pointed at bird feeders instead of their faces

Governor Newsom’s emergency declaration includes distributing millions of pieces of PPE, though reports suggest several workers have mistaken the N95 masks for beaks and are now demanding more aerodynamic designs for their morning “commute” over the city.

Remember folks, if you experience bird flu symptoms like unexplained molting or a sudden expertise in wind current navigation, consult your physician – or your local ornithologist, depending on how far along your transformation is.