Breaking: Mar-a-Lago Ambulance Hysteria Leads to Installation of Hospital Wing in Trump’s Bathroom

Breaking: Mar-a-Lago Ambulance Hysteria Leads to Installation of Hospital Wing in Trump’s Bathroom

In response to recent Mar-a-Lago ambulance hysteria, President-Elect Trump’s Florida residence is undergoing unprecedented medical upgrades. Sources confirm the installation of a fully-staffed emergency room in every bathroom, complete with gold-plated defibrillators.

Security Measures That Would Make NASA Blush

“We’ve equipped each golf cart with trauma center capabilities,” explained an anonymous Secret Service agent. “Even the ketchup bottles now contain emergency antibiotics.”

Media Response Unit Activation Protocol

The mere sight of an ambulance within Palm Beach County now triggers a 47-point emergency response protocol, including immediate fact-checking by journalists armed with telescopes.

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, offered his unique perspective: “Y’all, this is wilder than that time my mama wrestled a dead gator! We’ve got more emergency vehicles than a Monster Truck rally, and half of them are just following random pizza delivery guys to make sure they ain’t smuggling in fake news!”

Local Hospital Takes Defensive Position 

Palm Beach General Hospital has reportedly installed a Trump-specific wing, despite being miles away. “It’s purely precautionary,” stated the chief of medicine, “We’ve even hired a specialized team of hair restoration specialists available 24/7.”

Real Estate Market Responds to Mar-a-Lago Ambulance

Jeffrey Pesos, Director of E-Commerce Operations at PISR, commented: “Properties near Mar-a-Lago are now advertising themselves as ‘pre-equipped with emergency vehicle access lanes.’ It’s like Amazon Prime for medical paranoia – 24-hour delivery of panic included!”

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