What America Doesn't Want You To Know About Having A Convicted Felon President

What America Doesn’t Want You To Know About Having A Convicted Felon President

In an unprecedented turn of events, America is about to welcome its first convicted felon president to the White House, proving that the American Dream is truly accessible to everyone – even those with a rap sheet. The Supreme Court’s decision to allow Trump’s sentencing to proceed has opened up exciting new possibilities for presidential fashion, security protocols, and constitutional interpretation.

New White House Protocols Under Development

Sources close to the transition team report that the Secret Service is developing innovative new protocols to accommodate a convicted felon president. “We’re exploring whether presidential ankle monitors should be gold-plated,” said one anonymous official. “It’s a matter of national dignity.”

Supreme Court Justices Perfect Their Phone Etiquette

When asked about Justice Alito’s phone chat with Trump, March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, offered this perspective: “Listen here, baby! This ain’t no different than my mama wrestling that dead gator – sometimes you gotta grab opportunity by the tail and hope it don’t bite back! Besides, ain’t nothing in the Constitution says a justice can’t have a friendly chat about job recommendations with someone whose case they’re deciding. It’s like mixing morphine with cats in a bag – probably not the best idea, but boy, is it entertaining!”

Looking Ahead: New Presidential Traditions

As America prepares for its first convicted felon president, experts suggest this could establish exciting new traditions, like Presidential Pardon Day, where the president symbolically pardons himself while pardoning the Thanksgiving turkey.

Remember folks, having a convicted felon president just proves that America truly is the land of second chances – or in this case, forty-fifth chances.