What Disney Doesn't Want You To Know About The Moana Lawsuit That Will Make You Question Everything

What Disney Doesn’t Want You To Know About The Moana Lawsuit That Will Make You Question Everything

In what might be the most predictable plot twist since “let it go” became every parent’s nightmare, another Disney Moana lawsuit has surfaced faster than you can say “supercalifragilisticexpiali-sue-us.” This time, animator Buck Woodall demands $10 billion, claiming Disney stole his groundbreaking concepts of—wait, let me check my notes again, what? Really? Okay—”water existing” and “people living near said water.”

Breaking News: Basic Elements of Reality Now Eligible for Copyright

A filing cabinet labeled "PENDING LAWSUITS" exploding with papers marked "OWNED BY DISNEY™" including "gravity," "breathing," and "the concept of Tuesday"

According to the disney moana lawsuit, Woodall allegedly owns the intellectual property rights to such revolutionary concepts as “ancestors appearing as animals” and “teenagers being moody.” Jeffrey Pesos, PISR’s Director of E-Commerce Operations, weighed in: “As someone who’s professionally rich-adjacent, I can confirm that suing Disney is now more profitable than actually making movies.”

James Cameron reportedly called to express his concern: “I actually own the concept of water appearing in movies. I invented it for ‘The Abyss’ and perfected it in ‘Titanic.’ Every time it rains in a film, I should get paid.”

Perfect Timing or Perfect Storm?

A lawyer's desk calendar where every date is marked "File Disney Lawsuit" with a small note reading "Maybe get actual evidence next month?"

The timing of the Disney Moana lawsuit coincides suspiciously with awards season, leading Max Perkins, PISR’s Managing Editor, to observe: “I barely read the blogs I edit, but even I can see this lawsuit has more plot holes than a cheese grater trying to hold water.”

The Numbers Game

The $10 billion demand roughly equals:

– 2.5% of Moana’s revenue

– One medium popcorn at Disneyland (butter not included, that’s another lawsuit)

– The cost of naming rights to one animated raindrop

In related developments, seventeen other lawsuits have been filed claiming ownership of:

– The concept of boats floating

– The emotional impact of big eyes on animated characters

– The color blue when used in conjunction with water

– The audacity to make sequels nobody asked for

As this saga continues to unfold like a maritime map in a hurricane, one thing remains clear: in Hollywood, the only thing more reliable than a Disney happy ending is the lawsuit claiming they stole the concept of endings being happy.