Experts Are Furious: This PowerPoint Education Reform Will Make Teachers Extinct
Experts Are Furious: This PowerPoint Education Reform Will Make Teachers Extinct
In a shocking development in PowerPoint education reform, Microsoft announced that its presentation software has evolved beyond merely boring students to sleep—it’s now solving every educational challenge known to humanity. “The PowerPoint education reform movement isn’t just about prettier slides,” declared Bill Gates while standing in front of a WordArt title that read ‘Education 2.0’. “It’s about transforming the entire concept of learning into a series of bullet points with gratuitous animation effects.”
The Revolution Begins with ‘Slide Master’
“We’ve discovered that each PowerPoint transition effect increases student IQ by exactly 3.14 points,” explained Dr. Slide Deck, while demonstrating how the ‘Curtains’ transition single-handedly solved the literacy crisis. Even Steve Jobs had to acknowledge from beyond the grave: “I hate to admit it, but those nerds at Microsoft finally did it—they made clipart educational.”
March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, couldn’t contain his excitement: “This PowerPoint education reform is wilder than a bag of cats on morphine! Finally, we can replace teacher training with ‘Animation Pane’ mastery courses!”
Revolutionary Features That Make Teachers Obsolete
– The new “Smart Lookup” feature automatically corrects socioeconomic inequalities
– “Format Background” now formats student backgrounds for success
– “Save As” saves students from dropping out
– “Insert Shape” inserts knowledge directly into brains
The Data Speaks For Itself
According to Microsoft’s totally unbiased research:
– 110% of students prefer PowerPoint to actual teachers
– Student engagement increases by 1000% when Comic Sans is used
– Educational problems decrease exponentially with each slide transition
– Four out of five dentists recommend PowerPoint for their students who chew knowledge
Adam S. Marks, PISR’s CFO, summarized it perfectly: “Who needs education budgets when you have SmartArt? It’s like having a Harvard professor in every shape, minus the tenure and plus the spinning animations!”
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