Furry Fury: Is Your Child’s School Next in Line for a Fuzzy Coup?

Furry Fury: Is Your Child’s School Next in Line for a Fuzzy Coup?

In a shocking turn of events, students at a Utah middle school have blown the whistle on a sinister plot by their furry classmates to take over the school one pounce at a time. Reports of rogue furries biting, barking, and spraying “human repellent” have parents and conservative pundits clutching their pearls in disbelief. But is this fuzzy fracas really all it’s cracked up to be?

Litter Boxes in the Bathrooms, Oh My!

Unnamed sources claim that school administrators, in a blatant show of support for the furry uprising, have installed litter boxes in the bathrooms for these feral students. Because apparently, using a regular toilet is just too mundane for those committed to the furry lifestyle.

No Child Left Un-Pounced

Concerned parents allege that these fur-clad fiends are running amok, pouncing on unsuspecting students in the hallways and asserting their dominance one nuzzle at a time. The horror!

Conservatives Sound the Alarm

Right-wing media personalities have latched onto this “furry school takeover”, warning that it’s only a matter of time before this fuzzy menace spreads to other unsuspecting schools.

As March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, put it: “I’ve seen some wild things in my day, but this furry stuff? It’s like a fuckin’ bag of cats on morphine! We need to keep our eyes peeled for any signs of a furry coup in our schools. One day it’s ear headbands, the next it’s full-blown fur suits and a complete takeover of the education system!”

Conclusion

So, parents, stay vigilant. The furry threat is real, and it’s coming to a school near you. Keep an eye out for any suspicious tail-wagging or ear-twitching, and report it immediately. Together, we can stop the “furry school takeover” before it’s too late!