Girl Scout Cookies Retiring 2025: The Great Cookie Market Crash

Girl Scout Cookies Retiring 2025: The Great Cookie Market Crash

As Girl Scout Cookies retiring 2025 list grows longer, financial markets are reeling from the announcement that S’mores and Toast-Yay cookies will follow Raspberry Rally into forced retirement. Cookie futures crashed Thursday as panic-buying emptied Scout inventories nationwide.

Underground Cookie Trading Emerges

“I’ve seen cookie bubbles before, but this is unprecedented,” declares PISR’s CFO Adam S. Marks, while fortifying his personal cookie vault. “People are trading their 401Ks for S’mores futures. I’ve already liquidated my tequila collection to corner the Toast-Yay market. This is financial advice, and yes, I am licensed in cookie securities.”

Economic Fallout

Cookie market analysts predict the emergence of sophisticated cookie-backed securities, with some thin mints already being sliced into derivative crumbs. Underground cookie exchanges report Toast-Yay futures trading at 300% above retail, with S’mores becoming the new cookie standard.