BREAKING: Gordon Ramsay Loses It Over The Great Waffle Recall of 2025
BREAKING: Gordon Ramsay Loses It Over The Great Waffle Recall of 2025
In an unprecedented escalation of breakfast-related security measures, the FDA has classified the recent waffle recall as a “Code Brown” threat, placing innocent breakfast foods in the same category as expired milk and that sandwich you left in your car during summer.
FDA Declares War on Breakfast
The waffle recall, affecting 10,000 cartons of Pearl Milling Company’s pancake mix, has prompted the formation of an elite breakfast task force. “We’re treating these waffles like they’re carrying launch codes,” stated FDA spokesperson Dr. James Flapjack, while stress-eating a bowl of Cheerios.
Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay weighed in: “These bloody waffles are so dangerous, they make my Kitchen Nightmares look like a fucking tea party! They’re RAW!”
Pancake Panic Spreads Across 11 States
“This is clearly part of Big Breakfast’s agenda,” declares March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR. “First, they changed Aunt Jemima to Pearl Milling, and now they’re trying to convince us that waffles are weapons of mass destruction. I haven’t seen this much panic since my honey badger got into my prescription stash!”
Breakfast Industry Insiders Speak Out
Dr. Benedict Eggs, a leading breakfast safety expert, warns, “People need to understand that not all waffles are created equal. Some of them are harboring undeclared milk – it’s basically breakfast espionage. We’re talking about sleeper cells of lactose!”
The waffle recall has sparked unprecedented security measures, with some stores implementing mandatory syrup screening and creating underground pancake bunkers. The Department of Homeland Security has even established a special hotline for reporting suspicious breakfast activity: 1-800-WAFFLE-THREAT.
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