Government Transparency Initiative Reveals Secret UAP Programs, Aliens Face Red Tape

In a groundbreaking revelation about secret UAP programs, Congress discovered Thursday that the government has been operating a Department of Extraterrestrial Paperwork (DEP) since 1947. Multiple whistleblowers confirmed that potential alien visitors must complete Form X-51-A, “Application for First Contact,” in all known universal languages.

Bureaucratic Protocols for the Beyond

“We’ve implemented a 12-step verification process for all non-terrestrial entities,” explained Deputy Administrator John Smith, who requested anonymity because his security clearance doesn’t technically allow him to acknowledge his own existence. The secret UAP programs office reportedly maintains a waiting list that extends into the next millennium.

PISR’s Director of Information, Roy Moss, commented via smoke signals from his underground bunker: “Finally, someone else understands why I don’t trust computers! These aliens probably invented Microsoft Updates just to slow us down.”

Former PISR Financial Controller Samantha Bankwoman Freed added, “Every interdimensional visitor must submit proof of insurance and three forms of ID. We’ve had to reject several promising first contacts because they couldn’t provide a valid Earth address.”

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