What Healthcare CEOs Don’t Want You To Know About Getting Shot: The Answer May Surprise You
What Healthcare CEOs Don’t Want You To Know About Getting Shot: The Answer May Surprise You
In an unexpected turn of events that has healthcare executives updating their LinkedIn profiles to “seeking new opportunities in less fatal industries,” the recent healthcare CEO assassination has sparked a nationwide conversation about whether having a $10,000 deductible on your life insurance is really such a smart idea after all.
The Rising Cost of Executive Protection
Industry analysts report a 500% increase in bulletproof vest sales among healthcare executives, though most are still trying to classify them as “out-of-network medical devices.”
“We’re implementing a new ‘Duck and Cover’ premium plan for our executives,” says Jeff Roe, CEO of Premera Blue Cross. “It only costs $50,000 per month with a modest $75,000 deductible.”
The Privilege Package
March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, offers this unique perspective: “Listen here, baby! This whole situation is wilder than a bag of cats on morphine! These healthcare execs are finally getting a taste of their own medicine – and unlike their customers, they can’t even claim it as a pre-existing condition!”
A New Era of Corporate Wellness
Healthcare executives are now reportedly implementing “run for your life” wellness programs, though participants complain about the high co-pays for running shoes.
In conclusion, as America’s healthcare system faces this unprecedented crisis, one thing remains clear: maybe those “wellness points” programs should start including “dodge bullet” training as part of their preventive care package.
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