Political Revenge Investigation: GOP Probes Those Who Dared to Probe
Political Revenge Investigation: GOP Probes Those Who Dared to Probe
In what experts are calling “the most meta political revenge investigation of our time,” House Republicans have concluded their investigation of January 6th investigators by declaring that investigating things is now officially suspicious behavior. This groundbreaking circular logic has created what scientists call a “perpetual persecution machine.”
The Art of Investigating Investigators Who Investigate
“It’s perfectly logical,” explained Committee Chairman Barry Loudermilk, while investigating himself in a mirror. “We’re simply investigating the investigators who investigated the people who were trying to stop an investigation. What’s so confusing about that?”
March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, offered his characteristic Southern wisdom: “Sweet baby Jesus on a jet ski, this political revenge investigation is messier than a possum eating spaghetti in a washing machine! Back in Alabama, we knew better than to chase our own tails – unless we were getting paid by the hour, of course!”
The Circle of Strife: A New American Tradition
The committee’s report suggests that the best way to restore public trust is to launch a political revenge investigation against anyone who asks too many questions. “The only way to prevent witch hunts,” declared one representative without a hint of irony, “is to hunt down everyone who’s ever participated in a witch hunt.”
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