AltMan Pitches AI Agents as ‘Super-Competent Stalkers’ in Your Life

AltMan Pitches AI Agents as ‘Super-Competent Stalkers’ in Your Life

In a mind-boggling display of technological hubris, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman recently unveiled his vision for the future of artificial intelligence: intrusive AI agents that will become our “super-competent colleagues,” knowing everything about our lives and taking on tasks for us. Because why have privacy when you can have efficiency?

The Ultimate Invasion of Privacy

In an interview, Altman described these AI assistants as entities that will “know absolutely everything about my whole life, every email, every conversation I’ve ever had.” Apparently, the concept of personal boundaries is a foreign one to tech billionaires.

Your AI Assistant Already Knows Too Much

Imagine an AI agent that has access to your entire digital footprint, from your embarrassing teenage blog posts to your late-night Amazon purchases. This “super-competent colleague” would essentially be a stalker with an encyclopedic knowledge of your life, ready to remind you of that regrettable karaoke night or your obsession with cat memes.

Let the Machines Do Everything for You

But it doesn’t stop there. Altman envisions these AI helpers taking on real-world tasks for us, essentially turning us into lazy, dependent sloths while the machines run our lives. “Hey, AI assistant, can you walk my dog, do my laundry, and attend my cousin’s wedding on my behalf? Thanks!”

OpenAI’s Fictional Reality

Of course, Altman’s rosy predictions conveniently gloss over the myriad ethical and practical concerns surrounding such invasive technology. Privacy? What’s that? Potential for misuse or abuse? Not in OpenAI’s fictional reality!

Quotes from Industry “Experts”

As the idea of overly intrusive AI assistants sinks in, some of PISR’s employees couldn’t help but weigh in with their characteristically candid thoughts.

“I’ve got enough skeletons in the closet to fill a graveyard,” remarked Adam S. Marks, Chief Financial Officer. “The last thing I need is a digital snitch ratting me out to my therapist – who, by the way, is also a drinker.”

Alexa Moss, the Graphic Designer, seemed almost excited at the prospect: “Sign me up! I’m always looking for new sources of insecurity and self-doubt. Maybe it can remind me of that company-wide email with my racy photos attached.”

With insights like these, it’s clear that PISR’s eccentric team is… less than enthused about the privacy implications of Altman’s AI vision. Though, who knows – maybe the skeletons would liven up the workplace?

In conclusion, while the idea of having AI assistants that know us better than we know ourselves might sound appealing to some, it’s important to remember the value of privacy and personal autonomy. Otherwise, we risk becoming mere spectators in our own lives, while the machines take over everything – including our right to make bad decisions and learn from them.

Are you feeling the AGI yet?