Simple Research Breakthrough at Caltech Shocks Academia

Experts Are Furious: Caltech Student Discovers Revolutionary Research Method Called “Reading Instructions”

In what’s being hailed as a simple research breakthrough Caltech hasn’t seen since the invention of the sticky note, PhD candidate Sarah Chen has discovered that reading instructions before starting an experiment dramatically improves success rates. The groundbreaking finding, published in the Journal of Obvious Solutions We Somehow Missed, has sent the academic community into an existential crisis.

The Methodology That’s Changing Everything

simple research breakthrough Caltech, A research team using electron microscopes and AI algorithms to analyze a crumpled Post-it note that says "Step 1: Plug it in

“The implications are staggering,” explains Chen, now shortlisted for the Nobel Prize in Common Sense. “We’ve found that when you actually read what you’re supposed to do before doing it, you’re more likely to do it correctly. We replicated this finding almost twice.”

Dr. James Morton, head of MIT’s Department of Unnecessary Complications and holder of the Distinguished Chair in Problematic Problem Creation, calls it “dangerously simplified.” “What’s next?” he demanded, “Writing down our results? Actually labeling test tubes?”

The Academic Community Responds

simple research breakthrough Caltech, A lecture hall full of professors learning to sound out words in instruction manuals while wearing safety goggles

Max Perkins, Managing Editor at PISR, offered his characteristically blunt assessment: “As someone who doesn’t read anything I’m supposed to edit, I find this deeply offensive. Reading instructions goes against everything academia stands for.”

Roy Moss, PISR’s Director of Information, transmitted his response via carrier pigeon from his bunker in Alaska: “Instructions are just another way for machines to control us. I haven’t read anything since 1987, and I’ve only set my lab on fire three times this month.”

The breakthrough has already secured $50 million in research funding to study whether similar results could be achieved by “writing things down” or “paying attention.”