What The College Board Doesn’t Want You To Know About Standardized Testing Costs
What The College Board Doesn’t Want You To Know About Standardized Testing Costs
In a move that has economists studying new models of infinity, the College Board has revolutionized standardized testing costs by introducing their groundbreaking “Pay-Per-Thought™” system. Sources confirm that thinking about questions now costs more than the answers themselves.
The Revolutionary Fee Discovery System™
“We’ve streamlined the process of converting basic human curiosity into quarterly profits,” explained College Board’s Chief Revenue Innovation Officer, Dr. Money McProfit. “Our standardized testing costs now include a revolutionary ‘Breathing During Exam’ fee structure.”
Samantha Bankwoman Freed, Financial Controller at PISR, offered her expertise: “When I’m not googling horses or watching Oscar-nominated movies that didn’t win, I’m amazed by their fee creativity. They’ve managed to monetize anxiety itself!”
Premium Question Enhancement
The process now includes essential services such as:
– Question Font Viewing License ($42)
– Pencil Gripping Rights ($38)
– Existential Crisis Management Fee ($67)
– Answer Bubble Filling Insurance ($45)
– Testing Room Air Quality Premium ($89)
Financial guru Dave Ramsey reportedly fainted upon seeing the fee structure, muttering, “Even I can’t budget my way out of this one” before collapsing.
The Future of Educational Monetization
“We’re excited to announce our new ‘Think-About-Test-Taking™’ subscription service,” declared a College Board spokesperson. “For just $299.99 monthly, students can legally contemplate the existence of our tests.”
The College Board has also introduced their innovative “Fee-For-Fee™” program, where students pay a nominal fee of $50 to learn about additional fees. “It’s really quite reasonable,” insisted McProfit, while installing a coin slot on a classroom door.
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