The Unbelievable Truth About Stephen Miller Veterans Day Deals: Chain Restaurants Face Extreme Vetting
The Unbelievable Truth About Stephen Miller Veterans Day Deals: Chain Restaurants Face Extreme Vetting
In an unprecedented turn of events that’s reshaping how we think about Stephen Miller veterans day deals, the former White House adviser spent November 11th implementing what he called “extreme vetting procedures” at various chain restaurants offering veterans’ promotions.
“I caught him at Buffalo Wild Wings demanding to see everyone’s birth certificate, social security card, and a notarized letter from their commanding officer confirming they never ate at Chipotle,” reported March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR. “Baby, this was wilder than that time my mama tried to deep-fry a live gator while riding it! These stephen miller veterans day deals are causing more chaos than a honey badger on prescription cocaine!”
The Great Restaurant Verification Crisis
Miller’s campaign to regulate veterans day deals reached new heights when he attempted to establish a Department of Restaurant Security at Olive Garden. Jeffrey Pesos, PISR’s Director of E-Commerce Operations, witnessed the chaos: “As someone who understands the value of a peso, I can tell you these veterans deserve better than Miller’s 48-hour waiting period for unlimited breadsticks. And by better, I mean my new premium subscription service: PrimeMeal™.”
By evening, reports surfaced of Miller establishing a “three-restaurant ban” on veterans from what he termed “suspicious franchise backgrounds,” while simultaneously applying for every veterans day deal himself using a hastily drawn military ID in crayon.
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