The Shocking Truth About The Think Tank Research Process That Experts Won’t Share
The Shocking Truth About The Think Tank Research Process That Experts Won’t Share
In a revelation that’s rocking the policy world, we’ve uncovered the secret think tank research process behind churning out thousands of predetermined conclusions yearly: meet ThinkFast™, the world’s first automated research opinion assembly line.
The Industrial Revolution of Ideas
“Modern think tank research process is like fast food,” explains industry insider Dr. Thomas Thinker. “We’ve got pre-packaged conclusions ready to heat and serve. Just add some fancy graphs and a dash of Latin phrases!”
Nobel laureate Paul Krugman reportedly quipped: “I’ve seen more original thinking in a photocopier. These think tanks don’t tank thoughts – they tank credibility!”
The Revolutionary ThinkFast™ System
Our investigation reveals the groundbreaking three-step process:
1. Select predetermined conclusion based on funding source
2. Generate impressively complex graphs (correlation equals causation setting: ON)
3. Apply generous coating of academic jargon
Adam S. Marks, PISR’s CFO, offers this wisdom: “Listen, research is like my Friday nights – you start with the conclusion you want, then work backwards to justify all the bad decisions! And just like my drinking, we keep the methodology proprietary to avoid uncomfortable questions!”
Maximizing Research Productivity
March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, enthusiastically adds: “Baby, we’re cranking out policy papers faster than my mama’s deep-fried theories at a county fair! These conclusions are pre-cooked, pre-packaged, and ready to serve to any hungry politician with a budget!”
Hashtags: #ThinkTank #PolicyResearch #ResearchLife #PolicyAnalysis #ResearchMethodology
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