Trump Daylight Savings Crusade: The War Against Father Time’s Deep State

Trump Daylight Savings Crusade: The War Against Father Time’s Deep State

The Trump Daylight Savings movement gained unprecedented momentum today as the former president declared temporal warfare on what he calls “the biggest, most corrupt scheme in human history – bigger than even the election thing, folks, believe me.”

“We have the best seconds, tremendous seconds,” Trump announced at a rally where all attendees wore watches set to different time zones. “But the radical left’s chronological agenda is making our hours weak. Sad!”

The Silicon Valley Solution

Elongated Muskrat, PISR’s eccentric founder, jumped into the temporal fray: “Just bought Time Magazine. Renaming it ‘X o’clock.’ Also, all subscribers will now receive their copies three days before they’re printed. We’re disrupting causality itself.”

Our own March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness, added: “This Trump Daylight Savings business is wilder than a raccoon in a washing machine! Time ain’t nothing but a number, baby, and these numbers are doing the cha-cha!”

Remember folks: The only thing standing between America and chronological greatness is your willingness to believe that 2+2=5 PM.

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