Mar-a-Lago Becomes America’s New Capitol: How a Football Game and Dinner Party Derailed Government

In a stunning display of modern governance, the fate of America’s government funding was decided not in the halls of Congress, but between quarters at a football game and over well-done steaks at Mar-a-Lago. The Trump-Johnson-Musk shutdown saga reached new levels of absurdity this week when crucial policy discussions moved from Washington to a luxury resort’s premium box seats.

From Football to Fiscal Policy

Sources report that during the Army-Navy game, President-elect Trump and Speaker Johnson engaged in deep policy discussions while trying to figure out which team was which. “The debt ceiling is just like football,” one aide reportedly said, “except nobody knows the rules and everyone loses.”

The Power of a Palm Beach Dinner Party

When asked about the situation, Elongated Muskrat, founder of PISR, commented: “Listen, some people make decisions in boring old government buildings. Real leaders make history over wagyu beef and Twitter posts. That’s just science.”

March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, added: “Y’all, this is what happens when you mix football, social media, and government funding faster than a honey badger on prescription morphine! We’re just lucky nobody tried to teach a rooster to play the banjo during negotiations.”

The situation continues to evolve as America adapts to its new system of governance-by-resort-membership.

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