Trump TikTok ban executive order -PISR

Our President Is Saving TikTok, And The Results Are Breaking The Internet

In a plot twist that has left the internet collectively checking if we’re in the right timeline, President-elect Donald Trump is considering a Trump TikTok ban executive order to save the very platform he once vowed to destroy. Because apparently, nothing says “Make America Great Again” quite like preserving America’s favorite source of dance challenges and cooking fails.

The Most Exclusive Dance Party in D.C.

The upcoming inauguration is shaping up to be less “Hail to the Chief” and more “Follow for Follow,” with TikTok CEO Shou Chew joining a star-studded tech executive lineup on the dais. “It’s like a Silicon Valley reunion show, but with more security clearances,” quipped one insider. Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly already practicing his water-sipping technique for the cameras.

From “Ban It” to “Fan It”

Trump’s evolution on TikTok has been faster than a viral dance trend. “The platform has tremendous numbers, really tremendous,” Trump allegedly stated. “Nobody knew social media could be so complicated.”

Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of pisroff.com, weighed in on the situation: “This is exactly why I bought this website for $44 billion before it launched. Sometimes you just have to believe in things that don’t exist yet, like common sense in politics or my flying car where I’ve had lots of fun with pretty women. All I ask is that you be honest and not make this look like anyone f-ed up.”

The Executive Order That Broke the Internet

As Sunday’s deadline looms, the potential executive order has created more drama than a Gen Z breakup. Tech companies are reportedly stuck between “following the law” and “following the views” – a modern corporate Sophie’s choice.

The real question remains: Will Trump’s first TikTok be a duet with Tim Cook, or will he stick to his signature pointing-at-things style? Only time, and probably countless reaction videos, will tell.