Trump Unveils “Make America Biblical Again” Campaign

Trump Unveils “Make America Biblical Again” Campaign

In a stunning pivot that has left political pundits scratching their heads, former President Donald Trump has launched his new “Make America Biblical Again” campaign, centered around mandating the Ten Commandments in every American classroom.

The Ten Commandments: Your New School Curriculum

Trump’s latest brainchild involves replacing traditional subjects like math and science with in-depth studies of each commandment. “Has anyone read this ‘Thou shalt not steal’ stuff? It’s incredible, folks. The best words, believe me,” Trump declared at a recent rally.

Thou Shalt Not Cheat (Unless It’s on Twitter)

The former president clarified that certain commandments might need “modern interpretations.” For instance, “Thou shalt not bear false witness” apparently doesn’t apply to social media platforms or campaign rallies.

Evangelical Voters: The New Swing State

Political analysts are calling this move a “stone-cold stroke of genius.” Republican and Christian Evangelist, Franklin Graham, quipped, “Who needs swing states when you’ve got the Book of Exodus?”

When reached for comment, Trump’s campaign manager stated, “The Ten Commandments are just the beginning. Next, we’re looking into turning water into wine for school lunches.”

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, weighed in on the campaign strategy: “This ‘Make America Biblical Again’ thing? It’s like trying to teach a honey badger to play the banjo while riding a gator. Crazy? Yes. Impossible? Probably. But hot damn, it’ll be a wild ride, and that’s what politics is all about, baby!”

As the nation grapples with this divine intervention in education, one thing is clear: Trump’s Ten Commandments school revolution is set to be the most talked-about politique du jour. Just remember, folks: Thou shalt not take this too seriously.