Turbulent US-Colombia Relations Achieve New Heights at 30,000 Feet

Turbulent US-Colombia Relations Achieve New Heights at 30,000 Feet

In what can only be described as the world’s highest-stakes game of “Mother May I?”, the United States and Colombia engaged in a diplomatic aerial tango yesterday that left both nations’ dignity in a holding pattern.

A Tale of Two Planes and Too Much Pride

The drama began when two US military planes, presumably chosen for their intimidation factor rather than their in-flight entertainment options, were forced to turn around faster than a politician during election season. Colombian President Gustavo Petro’s rejection sparked a tariff-threatening festival that lasted approximately as long as a TikTok dance challenge.

From Coffee Embargo to Kumbaya

“Listen here, y’all,” says March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, “this whole situation reminds me of that time my mama wrestled a gator – lots of thrashing around, but in the end, everybody just needed a nap and some sweet tea. These folks are like a bag of cats trying to organize a square dance!”

President Trump’s rapid-fire tariff threats on Colombian imports briefly threatened to make Americans pay more for their morning coffee than their monthly mortgage. Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed faster than you can say “unrestricted acceptance of migrants.”

The diplomatic crisis resolved itself in record time, proving once again that nothing motivates international cooperation quite like the threat of paying more for caffeine.

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