What Corporate America Hides About Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day

What Corporate America Doesn’t Want You To Know About Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day

As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day approaches, corporations nationwide are perfecting their annual performance of “Caring About Things™.” This year’s festivities promise to be particularly special, with companies competing to see who can turn the most civil rights quotes into LinkedIn engagement opportunities.

The Art of the Performative Post

A marketing team in matching "I Have A Dream" AirPods cases, brainstorming hashtags while a lonely DEI consultant weeps in the corner

“Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day isn’t just about social justice – it’s about social media justice,” declares March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness. “Last year, our ‘I Have a Dream’ NFT collection really spoke to the youth. This year, we’re launching an AI that generates MLK quotes about buying our products!”

Former President Barack Obama was possibly quoted as saying, “I never thought I’d see the day when companies would turn ‘I Have a Dream’ into ‘I Have a Discount Code.'”

When Activism Meets Quarterly Earnings

Jeffrey Pesos, PISR’s Director of E-Commerce Operations, shares his vision: “We’re revolutionizing social justice by offering ‘Buy One Get One Free’ on all our ‘Peace and Justice’ scented hand sanitizers. Because nothing says ‘equality’ like killing 99.9% of germs equitably.”

Adam S. Marks, CFO, chimes in between sips of his “I Have a Meme” energy drink: “We’ve developed a proprietary metric called ‘Meaningful Engagement Through Righteous Innovation Capitalism Stats’ (METRICS). It measures how effectively we’re converting historical significance into shareholder value.”

An executive vision board featuring MLK quotes strategically placed between profit projections and pie charts labeled "Justice ROI"

Five Ways to Make MLK Day All About Your Brand

The real question isn’t whether Dr. King would approve of his legacy being used to sell limited-edition diversity mousepads – it’s whether those mousepads will be available with next-day shipping.

As Elongated Muskrat, our Chief PISR, puts it: “Every Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, we strive to do better. That’s why this year, we’re offering an exclusive ‘Dream Accelerator Program’ where we teach corporations how to optimize their social justice algorithms for maximum market penetration.”