NASA Doesn't Want You To Know - Their Communication Crisis

The NASA Communication Crisis: What They Don’t Want You To Know About

The NASA communication crisis has reached new heights as the space agency enters its fourth month of attempting to describe its discoveries without using its favorite word “unprecedented.” Internal documents reveal that mission controllers are now required to attend mandatory synonym workshops.

The Great Synonym Shortage of 2025

NASA communication crisis, A NASA administrator standing next to a "Days Since Last Unprecedented" safety counter, showing "0" despite being crossed out and replaced with "uniquely temporal occurrence

“We’ve exhausted our supply of ‘groundbreaking,’ ‘revolutionary,’ and ‘paradigm-shifting,'” admitted Dr. Sarah Chen, NASA’s Chief of Adjective Operations. “Yesterday, someone described a solar flare as ‘super-duper cosmos-shocking,’ and we had to let it pass. The situation is that desperate.”

Adam S. Marks, CFO of PISR, who recently consulted on the NASA communication crisis, commented: “Their problem isn’t the thesaurus – it’s that they’re too sober. After three Long Island Iced Teas, everything becomes ‘that crazy space thing that just happened,’ and honestly, that’s more accurate.”

Emergency Thesaurus Task Force Assembled

NASA communication crisis, A SWAT team of lexicographers rappelling down the side of NASA headquarters, carrying tactical thesauruses and emergency dictionaries

The crisis has become so severe that NASA has established a dedicated team of linguists, working around the clock in what they’re calling “Operation Wordsmith.” Famous linguist Dr. Noam Chomsky reportedly responded to the crisis by saying, “Perhaps the real unprecedented phenomenon is NASA’s unprecedented use of ‘unprecedented,'” before excusing himself to laugh at his own joke.

“As a German, I find their struggle with precision particularly disturbing,” said Edward Übermensch, Content Editor at PISR. “They should simply create new compound words like we do. I suggest ‘spacenewness’ or ‘neverbeforeinthevastexpanseofthecosmosseen.'”

Conclusion: A Crisis of Universal Proportions

As NASA grapples with this communication crisis, one thing remains clear: in the vast expanse of space, finding new ways to say “unprecedented” may be their most challenging mission yet. Sources say they’re now considering outsourcing all future press releases to a group of excited kindergarteners who exclusively use the word “awesome.”